twirlquest | Jumanji PSL

You're standing on a large, cobblestone plaza, overlooking miles of … interesting … not to mention varied, terrain. It's Pretty Damn Huge and could easily take a whole day to traverse. You can see a dank, overgrown swamp, wreathed with patches of fog; a leafy green woodland with flashes of colourful flowers; a jagged desert canyon shimmering in a heat haze; an icy miniature mountain range above which a snow storm is brewing; and a cluster of cute, quaint houses far, far in the distance. A river winds throughout, occasionally intersecting with the path you're supposed to follow. The path is winding, and even from here you can see that it's divided into "squares" with faintly glowing borders. The squares are sized to be proportional to the course, which is to say, they're also Big.

There's plenty of space to mingle up here, with benches to sit on and old, battered-looking vending machines you can kick if you want some soda or candy to snack on. You don't have any money, though, so … good luck.

At the northern end of the plaza is a huge inflatable arch with the word "START" written in comic sans. Nobody can move beyond this point without first rolling their die, but you can see that you've got two choices: walk down what must be at least 500 steps to reach the first square, or take the equally long but infinitely more fun bouncy inflatable slide.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Gosh, it's a tough choice.

[ HMMMMMMM. ]

It'll be a pain if there's something dangerous down there and I've got swamp muck in my feathers, so - [ Sighs! ] Stairs it is!

[ ALL 500 OF THEM. ALL 500 STAIRS DOWN TO SQUARE 1. ]

It's a swamp. A wet, marshy, dank, miserable swamp, wreathed in thick, drifting patches of cold fog. While there is solid ground here and there, a single unlucky step in the wrong direction could see you sinking waist-deep into gross swamp water.

Frogs bellow and insects buzz, and from time to time you might notice something a little … unsettling. Glowing eyes in a patch of shadow; a sinuous ripple of Something beneath the otherwise still water; a long, low gurgle …

On Square 11, just before murky swamplands transition into a spring forest in full bloom, you find a narrow rope-bridge … on a dauntingly steep incline but not completely insane incline. Good thing it looks sturdy! If you're lucky enough to stop on this square, you may choose to take this shortcut instead of continuing along the main path. Unfortunately for Epel and Korone, they've still got a ways to go before then. Even more unfortunately -

Square 5 seems like a nice, safe square ... until a crocodile lunges out of nowhere!

EPEL, roll Speed.

6+: It misses you completely and gets stuck, head-first, in a hollowed out tree stump.
2~5: BOSS BATTLE INITIATED.
1: It bodyslams you into the water, teeth first, reducing your HP immediately to 0. Luckily, it seems to find your taste disagreeable — you're super dead, probably mangled, but there's a body left for your party to recover.

[rolls a 5!!]

Holy shit! Um, er, ggg....

[fuck no that's wrong I know so little crocodile, we've been focusing on mammals in animal languages! But, Sebek yells a lot, he vaguely remembers the accent and some very basic phrases. Jumping back from the crocodile and with a 5 on adaptability remembers just enough to get out in crocodile:]

Hello sir, sorry if bother you.

[to korone tho it sounds like this crocodile jumped out and he started growling at it]

Korone finds a Whip o' Worms
It's a whip made out of worms on a string. Gain +1 power.

Oh, look, I found a - crocodile?!

[ SIR WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM. She's used to her reptile boyfriend making all sorts of reptile sounds so Epel's response isn't weird for her. The crocodile, on the other hand - ]

The crocodile is so startled to hear its dinner speaking its native language that it fumbles in its lunge towards him.

[ Korone doesn't miss a beat, using its distaction to lasso it with her fun new whip o' worms. CROCODILE BEGONE, PLEASE - ]

Well. It isn't gone, but it is flung five feet into and through a tree, losing 5HP in the process. Ouch! Too bad it recovers quickly, shaking itself off and lunging for Epel with jaws gaping.

[korone is so fucking cool- oh shit the crocodile is coming! Epel has his magipen at the ready, pulling it out and attempting his signature spell]

Your eyes will close, your breath will still. Crimson Kiss.

[nothing happens. That crocodile is still coming at him. Epel curses and rolls to the side with a 7, so thankfully he only takes 2 points of damage but getting sideswiped still fucking hurts! He jerks his elbow down into the croc's back with a stunning 3 points of damage, all the while cursing in crocodile.

Except his crocodile friends are really old fashioned fae with delicate sensibilities taught by fae who have lived hundreds of years so what he actually says in crocodile is]

Zooterkins, ya gorram bastard!

Epel-san—!

This crocodile is SO INCREDIBLY BAFFLED by Epel's cussing that it rears back — just in time to take his elbow to its snout instead of its back —

[ Korone leaps in to lend a hand! Not with the whip o' worms though, oh, no. This time she's wielding a big ol' jagged broken tree branch with a conveniently sharp, pointy end, aiming to drive it deep through the thickest part of the crocodile's tail. ]

Her strike lands true! The crocodile makes a garbled snarly crocodile sound like OW FUCK THAT HURTS YOU ASSHOLES as it loses -9HP, and it snaps viciously at Epel's arm. 7+ to dodge or parry!

[It's a 6 to dodge, that fucker manages to snap the tip of a finger off before Epel can fully pull back and he SCREAMS

And instead of backing away he's going to TACKLE THE CROCODILE WITH A 3 STRENGTH, Epel knows the bite strength of a crocodile is absolutely insane, but comparatively the muscles to open their jaws are weak and if you get them down you can just hold their mouths shut. So that's what he's trying to do. The only problem is the rest of the crocodile can still move.]

Stab it through the eye STAB IT NOW!

On it!

[ But first she has to yank this big ol' stake out of the crocodile's tail, which is not easy when it is, 1) all the way through its tail, and 2) deeply embedded in swamp muck. She yanks with all her might! ]

All her might doesn't do a whole lot this time, unfortunately; the stake just kinda wiggles a bit, clearly snagged on something. The crocodile loses 3HP because there is a child clinging to its face and fucking ow and also splinters.

It thrashes madly, trying to roll, and while it might not be able to open its jaws right now it sure is strong enough to deal damage through sheer blunt force trauma and maybe the occasional spiky swamp plant!

Both Epel and Korone will need to roll 5 to dodge or parry.

[that is a 2 epel gets BASHED ow ow fuck ow, and rolls a 4 to keep holding the fuck on through all the swamp horrors]

MOTHERFUCKING DAGNAMN ASSHOLE DIE ALREADY! KORONE!!!

[ Korone is nimble enough to avoid getting smacked around, but all the thrashing and huge splashy waves of dark swamp water is making it real fucking hard to get a good hit in. She curses under her breath and darts in to attack with her whip! ]

— only to find her whip attack blocked by the roiling muck. The crocodile tries to lash out at her, but with Epel still very much on its face it mostly misses, just kinda knocking into her hard enough to bruise her hip —

Just fucking DIE already-!

[ On the bright side, it has positioned itself super conveniently! For Korone to punch it right in the motherfucking head! ]

Yeah.

Yeah, a fist through the skull sure does the trick. The crocodile crashes down, limp and very much dead in the still-sloshing water.

[oh thank fucking god

Let's go of the crocodile's head and just lays in the swamp where he falls, clutching his injured hand, absolutely bawling]

Take that you scaly bloody shit.

Jumanji PSL

Re: EPEL & KORONE

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